When Life Changes Your Story …

Four years ago today, I sat in a little coffee shop in Stowe, VT, reading a poem written by someone I’d meet later that afternoon. As I sat there, the poem’s words sunk into my spirit. I’ve been carrying them with me ever since:

It’s Your Season.

This morning as I sit here thinking back on that day and the days that followed, I have mixed feelings. I climbed a mountain that same day. I remember standing at the top, looking over the city as I realized I could do anything if I just put my mind to it. I left fear behind me in that moment and the ones that followed and changed my plans of moving to Texas. Instead of a big city, I’d end up moving less than a year later to a city that barely had a dot on the map. Instead of Austin Stone, I’d go to The Rock. Instead of being around friends I knew and in a city I’d loved since my young adult years, I’d go to a place I didn’t know anyone well and had never heard of prior to going to Vermont. Yes, that poem meant a lot because it would be the catalyst for stepping into my season.

I made the move to Florida in October 2014. While living in Florida, I’d make friends that have become my family. Friends who are there with a moment’s notice and whose connection goes deeper than any distance or number of phone calls in a year. I’d learn what it’s like to have friends willing to pray at the drop of a hat yet able to laugh until your face hurts and have fun like you’d never experienced. I’d understand the inner workings of my youngest daughter’s personality and see her morph from quiet and shy to bold and zealous. Then my heart would break one day when I realized we had to go back to CT.

I’ve been so angry about that decision… to come back to CT. Confused on why we needed to be back here. Confused on why I didn’t have faith in myself for things to work out despite someone else’s decision changing some important circumstances. I have felt like God let me down and pulled a rug from under me. But also mad at myself for not believing in myself more and sticking it out despite the bad news.

It’s been a trying two years as I watched myself go from strong business woman with a home she and her daughter loved and a hope for the future that was bright and made her smile, to a young lady feeling like a child again who couldn’t see beyond today. That reality has been the hardest: watching all my dreams flush down the drain and seem so far away and out of reach. Where once I felt like they were just beyond my grasp, they’d started to feel like someone else’s dreams. It’s been a rough couple years because I’ve lost my ability to truly dream and think it could come true. Everything has begun to feel like I could only dream for others.

Over the last year, I’ve been in my head a lot. Analyzing my thoughts and friendships, my activities and choices. Thinking about why I do things and figuring out why it’s so hard to give myself my best. Wondering when.i stopped believing in myself or started to feel so truly unworthy of my own time. And each day, I’ve thought of the words from the poem, “It’s Your Season”.

I have often felt like the words were true, but I’ve never felt fully content as though I was in my season. Even if I could somewhat feel like it was truly my season and I was ready, my actions and thoughts wouldn’t line up. I’ve never felt like I was truly walking in my place of purpose and overflowing joy. I have loved my career, but felt my family was a mess. I have enjoyed family but not liked that my career was not where I wanted it. I’ve enjoyed aspects of my faith but not liked where my life has been. So I’ve never felt like I have truly walked out the words, “It’s Your Season”.

As I sat last night thinking about my current place: finally in a place with my faith where I’m excited about each day and walking in step with the Lord, surrounded by friends who are going the same way in life (forward) and who have goals and vision and are living their truths, looking for the career I truly desire, still in a place of searching and growing but also in a place of contentment. I’m finally enjoying where I am while pushing myself to do more. And in doing so, I’ve found that I am finding myself more. As I’ve surrendered my expectations and ideals, I’ve watched people move into my life who I’d never have thought I’d be friends with. I’ve been able to do things I never thought I could do and watched mountains crumble that I long ago resigned would have to be thrown into seas. I am watching as I walk taller, stand stronger, and trust more. I’ve traded excuses for action, reasons for testimonies, and negative self-talk for positive reflection. I have learned the art of reframing and active listening. I’ve learned how to look at each decision and understand how it helps the bigger picture. And I’ve learned to be okay with not knowing the next step as long as it’s in the right direction. I’ve stopped scripting my life and started living it!

What is your life like right now? Is it a mess? Is it looking like you won’t ever find UP and you’ll always be stuck?

I challenge you to look around and ask the Lord for wisdom on why you are where you are. With what my family has walked through this last year, I understand now why we had to come back to CT. I understand why my daughter needed this … and why I needed it. We are being prepared for the harvest and when it is my season, I will be ready because I’ll have the tools to accept all the things that are coming my way. I’ll be ready to step back up and overcome fear and triumph over obstacles. I’ll be in a place to handle the abundance and ensure I use my resources well. Spiritually, physically, and mentally I will be ready to harvest the seeds others and I have sown into my life. Look for the same opportunity in your life so you’ll be ready when your season comes!

Until next time,

~Shell

3 Comments Add yours

  1. ladycee says:

    Great to hear about all the positive things God is doing in your life and to hear about your growth. May you continue to walk in and enjoy your season.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ladycee! Every day is getting better.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ladycee says:

        Good to hear Shell. 😃

        Liked by 1 person

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