The saddest stories are those of what could have been but wasn’t because you didn’t try. They are the stories of “what if”, regret, and longing. They are the stories that could have had different endings if you weren’t so damn scared about what could be that you settled for holding back and accepting what is.
I never want it to be said of me that I didn’t go after everything that could be mine in life. Career, family, relationships, activities, hobbies, writing topics… if it is something I should pursue or be a part of, I want to know I tried. As much as it is heartbreaking when things don’t work out as planned, I’d rather know that pain that the pain of regret.
There is nothing worse in this world than knowing something you need to uplevel is right within your hands or that someone you need in your life to reach the next level is standing right in front of you and you didn’t take the chance because you were too scared of getting hurt or too stubborn to change your patterns. I have spent the past couple of years being afraid of some things and realized recently that the fear is stupid and based upon actions someone took years ago and my lack of forgiveness to myself for allowing them to happen. But it’s time to get over it and pursue everything I know I am capable of. It is time to stop being afraid of commitment and intimacy and relationships. Time to move past the fears of yesterday and walk the path to the triumphs of tomorrow.
What are you holding back? What haven’t you allowed yourself forgiveness for? What have you been refusing to step into because you think it isn’t time, but feel pulled toward doing because that is just a line of BS you are telling yourself so you are protected?
It’s time to jump back into life. To get off the sidelines. I don’t ever want something that is mine to pass me by and if it means taking risks, I am ready to take them. And for all who are afraid, I am on a path where I can’t afford to have people holding me back. If I am the sum of the five people I hang out with the most, it is time to ensure those people truly have characters and traits I am willing to exhibit, willing to support, and willing to experience pain for because I know it will be the growing pains kind not the rip-your-heart-out kind.
The pain from the last few years is finally reaching the point where my bud is about to blossom.
Until next time,
~Shell
Eyes Straight Ahead - Shell Vera 