I was looking back through my notes and found this dream that I sent to a friend back in 2016. As I reread it the dream spoke to me in terms of how much baggage we carry with us and how afraid we are to let go of it.
You are standing in what looks like a terminal – except it connects two worlds seemingly versus just airports passageways. There are bags all around you, ones of various sizes, some packed to the brim and others barely full.
You are facing toward the East and you have pain all over your face. Torment almost. Your mind is telling you that you can’t go, you aren’t worthy of this trip, you won’t succeed. You are trying to fight off the words but are standing there alone, afraid. People are walking by and staring at you. Some spit as they walk by and others talk about “I remember when.” You look behind you, to the west.
The world you are leaving behind is active. There are people but their intentions seem to be misplaced. They see you in a specific light – when the vision shifts and they see you, you are a small man. They can’t see what stands before them because of their own fears. Your mind begins to think of how you can help them and at that moment you glimpse East again and see the sun rising through the windows.
In that world, to the East, lies greenery and people you seem uncomfortable around. Your mind says you aren’t good enough to engage with them. In that world you are somebody and don’t need anything external to you to help you be it. You are well loved and well liked. There are some folks around who seem less than genuine but you see they are the ones you are to help pull forward as you walk into the land.
You are looking between both worlds. Tormented by which to choose. In either case you give up a piece of yourself, some desires, and some things you truly enjoy. You are standing there deciding as the announcement for departure comes over the intercom. As it does, several of us join you and have our bags… You notice ours look like yours – some overflowing, some empty. You suddenly have this realization that the others on the East probably stood in your same place.
You notice we have labels on our bags that show we are coming back from the west… Addiction. Hatred. Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. These bags are overflowing as we head back east. It seems odd to you and you wonder why we would carry such ugly things. You begin to flow… Lord speaking through you..: and our bags begin to get lighter as we walk forward… The contents seemingly disappearing as you drop lyrics that cause us to all feel alive.
We all begin talking as we walk and we share we are coming back from trips for various missions: to help someone believe, to help someone love, to help someone get ahead. We take their ugly and leave them our good, which is why our bags of kindness, love, empathy are emptier than the others.
As we walk the enemy again torments you and we extend a hand to you. The bags are going on the trolley and we are about to enter the plane when you see someone from your past – a beautiful someone… Stunning and everything a guy could want. You look and the person becomes broken before you, shedding the skin and you see the heart. Suddenly a longing within you dies as you realize that what you see isn’t what is true. You ask God if she can just come too, you want to help her. You look to us and we all know that pain… We have all been there. We pray and we ask God to help you make the right decision.
The engines roar and the bags are packed and you stand at the beginning of that thing that connects the plane to the airport and you look at the person. Wondering what to do, tears are in your eyes but you keep wiping them away because the feeling isn’t one you like. You want to run back to the west and accept you can’t function fully in the east and suddenly people from the plane start speaking life into you. We begin sharing with you our stories, our struggles, what we deal with daily and you realize we are just like you. And the last call comes over the intercom….
Eyes Straight Ahead - Shell Vera 